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Keith Richards • An Honest Opinion

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…[he] has chosen to beat the ever loving shit out of that dead horse…

The time is currently 6:03AM. Sleep eludes me. Fuckin’ Keith Richards disturbs my slumber. Keith Richards, as an elder of rock, has felt that his opinions matter enough to be spread; and something I read on the ‘Net three days ago has me losing sleep and it’s all his fucking fault. But before we get to that let me state for the record that I am not nor have never been a fan of the fuckin’ Rolling Stones. What? Huh? Gasp! Guffaw!! Just save it. They’ve never turned me on. To me, the Stones have always been that band that got lucky with a few good songs, and their popularity would have waned years ago had it not been for fanboy disciple, Martin Scorsese, who, starting with his fantastic film, Goodfellas, has chosen to beat the ever loving shit out of that dead horse by using their songs (mainly “Gimme Shelter“) in three more of his films since; the third film being a Rolling Stones documentary. I tolerated “Gimme Shelter” before, now it makes me retch. Thanks Scorcese!

where does fuckin’ Keith Richards find the grapes to utter his blasphemy?

Keith Richards has made it a thing of his to voice his opinions so freely because his band is so (and I honestly have no idea why) popular. The bone of contention has been other bands. He’s stated time and again his distaste with The Beatles (also overrated, but in my opinion, more tolerable than his band), Black Sabbath (really? REALLY!??), Metallica (Okay, fine. Metallica has certainly fallen off the beaten path since 1986 although some will say that that didn’t happen until after 1992, I disagree with those people as well. 1986 was the last time they really mattered.) The Who (I was never a fan. To moi, they were always as overrated as the Stones, so I have no qualms with that one.) We finally arrive to the point of my loss of sleep. Now, let me reiterate, my true befuddlement of the popularity of one of the shittiest bands ever, The Rolling Stones, who’ve managed to hang on for 50 years (which means nothing in the grand scheme of it all because for as many as I’ve killed, roaches still darken the recesses of my basement abode.); where does fuckin’ Keith Richards find the grapes to utter his blasphemy?! I could barely get the words out. Led Zeppelin. He had the cojones to slag off Led Zeppelin?! Come the fuck on!

ledzep

One band’s lead guitarist looks cool holding a guitar…the other is mesmerizing the crowd with a ferocity that could only be born from the fires of Hell.

Keith Richards stated that, “I love Jimmy Page, but as a band, no, with John Bonham thundering down the highway in an uncontrolled 18-wheeler,”… “He had cornered the market there. Jimmy is a brilliant player. But I always felt there was something a little hollow about it, you know?” Led Zeppelin. A little hollow. When I read that I had to hold back the tears because I was laughing so hard.

rollinstones

Alright truth time. Led Zeppelin are guilty of something (and that something being plagiarizing the shit out of some blues greats. Okay, noted.) I’m not going to make light or brush away Led Zeppelin’s obvious lifting crimes, they been accounted for, but even in saying that and when you look at the body of work between the two bands, how many of you can honestly say that Led Zeppelin is not the better band? Okay, let me put it to you this way: hypothetically you hold two tickets in your hand. This Saturday, Led Zeppelin is playing at Madison Square Garden and also playing the same night, the fuckin’ Rolling Stones are playing in Nassau Coliseum. One band’s lead singer is doing the chicken clucking thing he does for two hours, the other band’s singer is using his command of the stage to rev up the crowd in some mystical orgasmic mass that eventually climaxes to a satisfying finish two hours later. One band’s lead guitarist looks cool holding a guitar and is going through the motions that are guitar player 101, the other is mesmerizing the crowd with a ferocity that could only be born from the fires of Hell. One is John Paul Jones, a mad genius multi-instrumentalist, and the other is bass player/rhythm guitarist Ronnie Wood can’t hold a candle to Jonesy (oh, and Jimmy Page doesn’t need a second guitarist to fill out the sound, so there.) One band’s drummer is Charlie Watts (*crickets*), and the other band’s drummer is John “Bonzo” Bonham, need I say more? So? Who are you going to see this Saturday? Go ahead. I’m waiting… That’s what I thought. Sit down Keith. Still not convinced? I leave you with this…

God, it feels good to be back.

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